Opening up about what’s been going on in my life

Hi there,

It’s been a while since my last article. Ten months to be exact. I’m not sure why I haven’t been writing. I mean, I kinda know. I told myself I was too busy, I was reprioritizing, and with each week I’d say … “oh, I’ll write next week.” It’s not like I didn’t have something cool to write about. I’ve been through SOO much this year. But haven’t we all in one way or another?

Let me take you on a journey of my year. Also, thanks for agreeing to basically read my diary. I mean, these are not actual diary entrances, but I’m writing as if they were.

I’m having a huge creative block right now. And it’s hard to get out of it. I was thinking about different article ideas, from my trip to Iceland to attending a 10 days Vipassana retreat, from working a new business to quitting my old job. I could have written about soo many things this year. But here I am – ten months later (no new articles.)

So let’s see how it all unfolded.

I’ll split this year into chapters (just for fun).

Chapter 1 – wtf is going on with my life?

Around mid-February, I started having a bit of a mental and emotional crisis. Nothing could bring me joy anymore – besides cycling and spending time with my boyfriend, Martin. I was unhappy with my professional life, and although my job and team were great, I couldn’t shake off this feeling that I should be doing something else with my life, something more fulfilling. Instead of working my few hours a day, scroll instagram, watch youtube videos, cook, clean, and go to bed to wake up the next day to almost the same routine. At the end of February, I told my boss I needed a mental health break. So I took 4 days off – completely off – no social media, no watching stuff, almost no digital usage (I only used my phone for music, photos, and audiobooks). And what I did in those 4 days was to basically listen to an amazing audiobook – The miracle morning, while coloring mandalas, sitting in the sun, and cycling around listening to music. And without all that chatter from social media – like what everyone was doing, what all their thoughts were, photos, fast-moving videos, opinions, photos, celebrities, places…. it all went quiet, and I could hear my thoughts. And my thoughts told me that MANY things have to change about my life. These daily feelings of unfulfillment and overwhelm were definitely not sustainable, and not aligned to the life I envisioned for myself. So, on the last evening of that 4 days break, I was listening to Alicia Keys just jamming, while I was writing and drawing – and it hit me. I had to quit. No matter what the future held. I couldn’t be scared anymore. I had to embrace the unknown and trust that something greater is out there for me. Even though I didn’t know at the time what that thing was, I could feel that IT was there and that I was going to slowly discover it (or at least start walking towards it).

Chapter 2 – confusion, questioning everything

Then March came around and Martin and I participated in a Tony Robbins class (I know, we’re both self-development nerds, but we really love it so give us a break 😂). Through those practices, questions, jumping around, creating energy, laughing our asses off, I decided that I had to do it. I had to be courageous and live my truth. Even though it could have meant having less money, having to move back to my hometown to decrease my expenses, and maybe not finding other work and creation opportunities. The next evening after the class, I told my bosses that I will not be continuing in my role, but that I understand that they need to find someone else, so I’m willing to fill in the job for a few more weeks and help transition the next person. At the end of this month, I packed (some of) my stuff and went to Innsbruck for two weeks. That city brought my soul back to life. Mind you, this was almost at the end of the strictest Austrian lockdown – so we just barely started seeing people outside, hanging out by the river, listening to music, dancing, and just being together. I missed those youthful and fun vibes. I missed seeing other people enjoying themselves. And when I went out, I sometimes completely forgot that there was this virus affecting the whole world. That was a lovely feeling that really decreased my anxiety. I also met a good friend, and we gifted each other a few access bars sessions which TOTALLY helped me to release those blockages and fears connected to my job and the future. That was a beautiful time, and I simply adoreeeee Innsbruck and the magical nature around. Spring was just around the corner.

Chapter 3 – moving back home

Then, it was time to return to Romania after being away for 10 months. I missed my parents, my grandparents, my friends, even some parts of Bucharest. I was just homesick and I felt that it was the perfect time to return and refill my social butterfly energy. I spent the majority of April hanging out with family and friends, we celebrated Easter, we cooked, I was working a lot to finish off all the projects at work, and then… May came around. That was such a simple and beautiful month. It must have been one of my favorites all year. It was like the perfect bridge between my “old life” of being stressed around, bored, and lonely and my “new life” of starting a little business, spending time with friends, traveling, and being in nature as much as possible. I went to a concert for the first time in 2 years, I went camping, I went to the seaside with my mom, I finished my work and took a week completely off. I went to visit my grandparents a lot. And I also practiced access bars a lot. I received sessions, and I gifted A LOT of sessions too. Then June came around and the fun just kept going. My access bars business was definitely setting off because I was ten times happier, and by posting about it on social media, so many new and old friends started asking me what’s this access bars thing and if they could come for a session. I received SOO many messages and I gifted a lot of sessions. OH and I forgot to mention, during all of this was happening, my family and I were renovating a new place I was going to move in. That was super stressful, but also worth it because I could have a place to live, to work online, and also to have clients for access bars. Loved that.

Chapter 4 – summer was just a blast

At the end of June, I returned to Austria to meet Martin. I really missed him all this time and I knew it was time to be together again. In July I worked SUPER little, like just a few hours for my private clients (yep, I also have some clients for social media services) but luckily they are amazing collaborators and the work is super flexible. So Martin and I spend a few days in Tyrol cycling and chilling around in nature and by some lakes. Soaking up the sun and being happy together. Then we went to Switzerland to meet my bestie Teo and her boyfriend Ludwig. We spent a few days at their place and visited some gorgeous places nearby. My burnout healing process definitely started, because then I started feeling super depleted of energy and all I wanted to do was to lay by a lake like a lizard and soak up all the sun there was. But they wanted to the active, to hike and see places, and play sports. We made it work though. I loved spending time with them, and I love them so so so much! After that, we returned to Austria, in Krems for a few days, when we simply continued to take it easy, go for swims, cycle around, and meet some friends. Then we flew to Bucharest because I had to renew my passport. During the time back in Bucharest we were both a bit stressed, but we made it work – and I’m so grateful we got to spend more time with family during that time.

After we returned to Austria it was already the beginning of August. And we traveled to ICELAND!!! That whole trip was a dream come true. But I didn’t even know I had that dream. During the trip though I was in a constant state of awe… I met my dear friend Josa again after 2 years, and we hosted an access bars class together. Martin and I camped the whole time, he cooked delicious foods every day, we experienced a bit of the nordic summer (light until like 12 am), we hiked almost every day, made new friends, and simply explored the gorgeous land that looked straight out of Lord of the Rings. We even went to the volcano! And saw lava… that was simply incredible. I’ll write an article just about Iceland soon.

Then we returned to Austria and went back to Oberndorf, Tyrol – to Martin’s hometown. Where we spent time with his sister and parents. That was also a lovely time and I felt blessed to experience all those simple and beautiful moments together.

Mid-August we drove to Krems, I took ALL my stuff, and we drove all the way to Bucharest. For the next weeks, we finished the renovation of the apartment, we installed a new kitchen, got some new furniture and decoration, and the house was (almost) ready. I’m saying almost because we still have to do some little touches. But overall it was done! Maybe you noticed but in those past 2 months, I almost didn’t work at all. Or at least not a conventional way of working. Because I kept practicing access bars, getting my bars run, gifting sessions, freelancing, hosting classes. But it all felt so natural and easy.

Chapter 5 – time to get real and intentional

At the beginning of September Martin drove back to Krems to participate in his second Vipassana retreat and then start his 2nd year of studies. And I stayed in Bucharest. After a trip to the seaside with my friends, I came back super motivated to take my life and habits to the next level. I finished the book “Breaking the habit of being yourself” by Joe Dispenza, and I started the 4 weeks meditation program he was teaching in the book. Through those morning meditations, I was releasing my old patterns of self-doubt, unworthiness, lack, and fear. On the 20th of September, I started a 30 days YouTube & Netflix detox. I just couldn’t watch myself self-sabotage every day by being distracted and falling into old coping mechanisms. I will write another article about my youtube & netflix addiction and what steps I’m taking to keep it under control. So, I started waking up early, going to therapy, spending time alone, meditating, journaling, doing shadow work, running my bars, and gifting sessions to clients. It was difficult, but also beautiful. I felt proud of myself for being able to not consume any videos or series for 30 days.

On October 18 I participated in my first 10 days Vipassana meditation course and OH MY GOD! It was intense, difficult, beautiful, peaceful … a lot of inner work. I learned and practiced my patience, determination, strength, and trust. An article about that experience is in the making. 🙂

Chapter 6 – what now?

Now I’m back from the meditation course, just returned from a little holiday in Austria where I visited Martin. And I’m ready to go back to “work” (whatever that is). Whether it is continuing inner work, or online work, or growing my access bars business. I know great things are coming. I know I would like to prioritize this blog, and writing in general, telling stories. I would like to drastically decrease social media time (continue to not use youtube & netflix and limit to a max of 1h/day for Instagram & facebook). I would also like to be more intentional with my days and time. If that means taking it slower, working on 2 things in one day, without overplanning, and ending up feeling like I’ve got nothing done that day. Meditating every day, reading, meeting friends, and receiving & gifting access bars sessions. Keep it simple and easy. That is how I can keep my mind and body balanced.

Thanks for reading so far. I’m so grateful that there are people who are curious about what I’m going through, and I’m looking forward to bringing you more stories, ideas, and adventures to get you inspired and to contribute to your life.

As you read before, I have some super cool article ideas: Vipassana retreat, visiting Iceland, Social media detox, YouTube addiction, Access Bars and mooore.

Let me know in the comments what other topics you’d be interested in reading about.

What else is possible now?

– Andreea